I had an abortion 6 months ago. I already have two young children. I started being really ill with sickness, headaches and generally feeling really poorly which meant I found it increasingly hard to look after my children. So at 9 weeks pregnant I had an abortion.

My family was for it saying I was not going to be able to cope with three young children. My husband was against the whole thing, saying it was my decision.

Now I just feel so empty about the whole thing and very sad. I feel as though I was torn between my unborn baby and my children and I feel very bitter about that. I have bad dreams and feel very tearful. I talk to my husband about it but it does not seem to affect him anymore. I feel like these feelings of grief and guilt will never lessen. I feel in a world on my own.

Editor’s note: Feeling so sick, and having so many different voices around you saying different things, can make the decision-making time so much more difficult. You sound as if you feel very isolated and alone, trying to cope with negative emotions that you don’t really know how to be with. Just to encourage you, many women experience bad dreams and tears after abortion. I know it would help you to talk with an advisor who understands post-abortion pain, whether at your nearest centre, through the helpline or Online Advisor. I know there is real hope for you to come out from under this ‘greyness’ and reconcile yourself to the loss you feel.