I had an abortion about a month ago and I regret every single minute of it. I feel depressed and can’t cope with life at the moment. I have been taking a lot of my stress out on my boyfriend which has made us argue and we aren’t as close as we used to be! We both love each other so much but it’s so hard for me to deal with.

My boyfriend didn’t want me to have the child and I never really knew what I wanted because I couldn’t believe it had happened to me. I still don’t really know but I know that it’s so much harder than I thought it would be. I still regret that day very much. Sometimes I wish I could turn the clock back and start all over again but it’s now something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I no longer trust my boyfriend and I don’t know why.

I have never made such a hard decision in all my life and you always wonder if you’ve done the right thing. I want to get back to my happy self, the person I used to be but it’s so hard to do that now. I thought once I had the abortion everything would be fine afterwards but I was totally wrong.

Sometimes I blame my boyfriend for the abortion because he was so determined that he didn’t want it and now I wonder if he really wants me and if I mean as much to him as I thought. I don’t know if he really cares about me or my feelings as much as I thought because in a way it seems like I only had an abortion for him.

I just wanted to tell other people to go with your heart and what your heart tells you because you will regret it so much if you don’t do what you think is right.

Editor’s note: Thanks for having the courage to say how you’re feeling at the moment. It sounds as if you are in shock from the whole event. Numb too. I wonder if you’re struggling to do all the ‘normal’ things of life that you did before. The lack of trust you feel towards your boyfriend is not an unusual feeling after an abortion. It’s as if you sensed a rejection of that tiny part of you and that makes you question who he is for you as well. If you’re feeling depressed and unable to cope well, then it sounds as if you need some support. I know it would help you to talk to someone confidentially, either at a centre, on the helpline or on Online Advisor.