I was 34 years old, when I found out I was expecting a baby.... which would have been my fourth child. That was 18 months ago. At the time we decided to abort the baby for the sake of our other 3 children. Having moved to a foreign country, life was already a little stressful and we felt it would put more strain on our children, who at the time needed our attention to help them settle and take on the barriers of a new language and early years at school. My husband coped extremely well, and has always insisted it was the right thing to do and honestly believes it. However, I feel very unsure.

I was only 6-7 weeks at the time, and now feel I rushed into the decision. It is something I know I cannot change, and must live with. I look at my children and wonder would it really have been so bad to have had the fourth one sitting there with them? I have no deal with this, and it is why I have put my tale here on your page. I just urge people to try and think how they will feel in years to come because so far, for me, the guilt has not gone away. To me abortion is not wrong or right, but it is something that changes you, and can affect you for a long time.

Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story…Your suggestion that women imagine how they might feel in the future is important as, often, decisions feel so urgent when circumstances are difficult and can be rushed. You mention that you feel a sense of guilt that hasn’t gone away. Feelings of guilt can let you know that you may have crossed your own boundaries in some way. It sounds as if there is something you might be uncomfortable with about your experience and I would encourage you to talk through a ’recovery checklist’ with an advisor.