It's August 16th 2007, 6 days after I had my abortion. For those of you who are trying to figure out, if you should or not, don't. I did it for all the stupid reasons. Caring too much about what other people think and how they would feel instead of thinking about me. Your initial feelings are what stay. Now I'm here feeling like I betrayed myself and what would have been my child.
I was only 7 weeks pregnant, but my body changed so rapidly trying to keep this little thing inside me safe. Now it’s gone down some drain pipe or something and it hurts. I wished I'd never done it. In fact, I woke up thinking they hadn't started and in pain, asking them not to go ahead but it was too late. Now I have to deal with this on my own. It's my own fault. Someday the nightmare will fade into the background and become mute. Just don’t make the same mistakes as we who've done it have made.
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your feelings about your experience…It sounds like you are acknowledging that what your heart was telling you right at the start was the right thing after all for you and now you regret it deeply. I can hear notes of grief and anger in your words.
I want to encourage you that you do not have to deal with this alone – there is support available to see you through this time and help you come to a place of recovery. You do not have to remain in a silent prison of pain. Have courage and contact your nearest centre, the helpline or Online Advisor – just telling someone else who understands how you feel is a good start. 0300 4000 999.