I had an abortion when I was 17 and I’m now 18. I was in my final year of college with good grades and was looking to go to university. I had been with my boyfriend for about seven months, and I remember knowing I was pregnant before taking the test because the feeling I had was so strong. I was completely torn 50/50 whether to keep the baby or have the abortion. My boyfriend didn't want me to have an abortion and everyone else advised me to have the abortion. I thought about it constantly until I came to my decision to have the abortion.
My boyfriend was working away so I went with my mum, and when I was in the car on the way there my boyfriend asked me to get him a scan picture, which I thought was totally out of order and refused as the pain of knowing what I was doing was enough, let alone giving a scan picture to someone. So he finished with me while I was on the way to hospital. He kept texting me while I was in, but there was no way of letting him back into my life.
It has now been eight months since I went through it and at first I felt empty, alone and couldn't see my feelings of regret and despair ending, but now I’m moving on. I will always feel sad about it but it's not stopping me being happy anymore. If you’re confused, try and think on your own feet as you’re the one who is going to have to deal with the decision the most.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your experience with us…It sounds as if you had very mixed feelings at first and had to concentrate on working it through logically in your own mind as you went through the decision-making process. I am curious to know what it was that tipped the scales for you towards abortion and away from pursuing the pregnancy. I wonder if it was your relationship with your boyfriend itself.
It seems you had to be in control of painful feelings as you approached the event itself, as well as afterwards. Moving on can be a positive thing at the right time - it can also mask painful feelings that have gone underground. You are the only one who knows that deep down, however. Should any feelings ever surface again for any reason at any time, there is support available to you through the centres, the helpline or Online Advisor.